A networking event where you're not allowed to talk about work

with Kira Matthews

Today I wanted to chat to Kira Matthews because of something I saw on LinkedIn (which I’m not ashamed to admit, because when you fill your LinkedIn with the right people, you avoid the guff that’s become synonymous with the platform).

Kira posted about the next edition of her Future Self Nights, a networking event with a twist: you’re not allowed to talk about what you do until 8.30pm. As someone who’s simultaneously a consciously fierce advocate for being more than your job, but who also loves to chat to people about what they do, I was intrigued — so I asked Kira for more intel!

Hi Kira! Introduce yourself...

My name is Kira Matthews. I'm a mindset and manifestation coach for creatives, freelancers, and entrepreneurs. I help entrepreneurs when they've gone around the houses, they spend a lot of money on branding, and a lot of time on social media, and they realise that the thing that is holding them back is themselves. So that's when I get involved. It's all about growing the founder into the kind of person who would be able to hold the big dreams and visions that they have for themselves.

What is the Future Self part of your Future Self Nights?

I talk about the Future Self concept a lot in my coaching, and your future self is like you in the future that's already got and achieved your big goals. And oftentimes we set goals within our business from the place of not having. We're like, oh, I want to grow a community, but nobody knows who I am. Nobody is following me. I don't have an audience, whatever. Your Future Self already has those things. Your Future Self already has the thriving audience. They already have the profitable business. Why not spend time embodying that version, thinking the way they would think, doing the things they would do? And that is the Future Self concept.

What's the structure of the nights?

So Future Self Nights is a networking event series that I launched last year, created to essentially bring the Future Self concept to life. We've done about four so far.

You show up, you leave what you've been working on at the door, and you step into games and prompts designed to help you manifest and help you embody your future version. I am a child in a 29-year-old's body, so I love games, and hate networking events. So all of my events are featured around games and conversation prompts around manifestation and your Future Self.

Why do you stop people from talking about work ‘til after 8.30?

The reason why I say that people can't talk about their work until after 8.30 is because if you are trying to create a new reality for yourself, but you keep on talking about the current reality, all you do is create what is currently going on.

You create more of the same. So maybe you're a nurse, but what you're actually wanting to do is run a bakery. The idea around Future Self Nights is that even if your bakery idea is just an idea that you've got on Pinterest, like you haven't brought it into the world, by embodying these prompts, you get to show up just for one night as what it would be to be this bakery person. And what happens is people feel really inspired. They get loads of ideas, loads of feedback, and it allows them to go back into their life and implement all of the ideas that they've thought about.

Another reason why I forbid people talking about work until after 8.30 is because it can be so boring! I've been to so many networking events where you're like, oh hi, and the person literally verbally vomits and in the end, you don't actually have genuine connection. What you have is two people who are just saying the same old script, yeah I'm a coach, or yeah I'm a consultant, and blah blah blah. When we remove that, when you're not allowed to talk about work, what happens is that people have to find something else to connect with, and so they start talking about their holidays, their partners, they start talking about the weather, and big dreams they had, and what they want to be when they grow up, and who they thought they would become when they were eight years old.

It's a really fascinating experiment in human connection, and it actually doesn't hold people back from networking, because after 8.30 there's an announcement, a bell goes off, everyone can share what they do, and then people start connecting. I've had so many messages from people who have made business connections, gone on to make sales, because they had a genuine connection with someone that felt really authentic.

How do people respond to it?

At first they're a bit like, oh gosh, okay, they're a little bit nervous, a little bit on edge, but then they get into the room and they meet people! The games are a big part — I don't think you could have a rule like this, and not empower people with what they should do instead. So because I have games (and I'm not telling you about them on purpose!) you have something to talk about that is interesting, and I found that it's really nice, because you just have these deeper conversations with people that you wouldn't get the chance to if everyone was talking about work. I think we have to remember that sometimes we can use our achievements as a shield. We're so afraid to go out into the world and feel less than, or inadequate, and this rule honestly gets rid of all of that.

What are your top tips for people going to a networking event?

I really recommend going alone, because when you go to a networking event with your friend, it makes it really hard. You don't actually want to speak to other people, you just want to catch up with your friend — which is natural! So if you're really looking for community, you're wanting to branch out, meet people in real life, go alone.

My only caveat to that is that if there's somebody that you want to connect with, somebody that's already in your network that you want a deeper relationship with, I recommend booking on to a networking event and inviting them as your plus one, as a kind of two-pronged approach.

Another tip I would say is: if you see someone standing alone, talk to them, go and say hi! If you're feeling nervous, tell them; say, hey, I'm feeling nervous, I saw you were alone, so I thought I'd come over and talk to you. That's a perfectly natural opening, and I have done that before.

It's also okay to go to networking events where they don't have this rule and still say, hey, I'm not talking about work tonight. That's what I've actually done before. Someone's been like, ‘oh, I'm working on this and that, what are you working on?’ And I was like ‘yeah, I'm not talking about work tonight!’ Because sometimes I go to networking events just for fun, and I need a little bit of a break from whatever is going on.

Thanks so much Kira! You can book your ticket for the Future Self Night on Jun 24th here, and sign up to Kira’s newsletter here.