Saving til best

I should really be cleaning rn

Hello! I’m meant to be cleaning and that’s my least favourite thing to do in the whole world ever¹, so I’m doing my most favourite thing instead, which is writing to you!

The reason I’m meant to be cleaning is because I’m hosting a dinner tonight for some pals. It’s a belated birthday dinner of sorts, and I sent out proper postal invites and everything.

Wow, I feel like I’m 8 years old again (respectfully) - my friend Roma on receiving the invite

On the invite it said Dress Code: Don’t save for best, which was my way of telling my pals that they could wear something as “OTT” as they liked. I put OTT in inverted commas because really, what is the top that we’re supposed to be going over? In other words, it was my way of saying tonight was the perfect occasion to get out the dress/top/outfit they bought and have been saving for a special occasion, one of which hasn’t yet appeared. Until tonight!

Because I am truly a benevolent overlord, I hadn’t thought about how I would adhere to the dress code until earlier today — and have since realised that I’ve really screwed myself over. I don’t really have anything that I’m saving for “best”, because I’m not particularly dressy and have a few dresses that I regularly rotate for weddings etc. Bar a pair of rip-off huge Versace heels I bought from ASOS 2 Christmases ago because I loved them so much, I don’t have much that fits the “saving for best” bill; and I can’t exactly wear those, because RIP my downstairs neighbour!

The other option, of course, would be to go totally subversive — wear my pyjamas or trackies or something — but unlike many of the people on My Super Sweet 16, one of my favourite ever shows, I’m not about the “giving the guests one particular dress code and then making them feel bad or insecure” vibe. Plus, I’ll only get jealous! Your honour, I’m nothing if not self-aware.

Outfitwise, then, what will be will be, but I’m embodying my dress code in a different way — by embracing all the rest of the event prep that I usually eschew. Back in the first year of uni, I watched entranced as a flatmate swiftly and deftly applied a set of fake eyelashes pre a night out, and wondered if I should have done anything other than the same mascara and eyeliner combo I did every day. What I mean is, there’s so many pre-event rituals that so many femme people do and find great pleasure in — and most of them end up on my TikTok FYP — and I want to do them too but never leave myself enough time. Until today!

Today, I’m not saving prep and preamble for best; I’m doing it right now. I’ve had an “everything” shower and I’ve bought a new bold glittery eyeshadow inspired by something I saw Katie Jane Hughes wear. I’ve left enough time after getting back to cleaning and setting the table (much more enjoyable) to properly attempt my hair, and I’m going to do it with the ease of the ladies in the Devil Wears Prada opening montage, meaning I’ll be sat on my sofa with a vino in hand before my friends arrive, not opening the door with a mascara wand halfway to my cornea saying “yeah yeah dump your bags I’ll be there in a sec!!!”

It reminds me of an article Sasha Nadine wrote for VORACIOUS Vol 2 (which I have the very last 10 or so copies of — DM if you wanna buy one for £12 incl. UK postage!) on Being More Extra:

The idea of not being regarded as being showy has been ingrained in us…A quick Google of the word “decadent’’ proffered the definition ‘a person who is luxuriously self-indulgent.’ And how gauche it would be to appear luxuriously centred on ourselves sometimes, right? No. I say no.

Some of the things I do needn’t even be labelled as ‘being extra.’ Maybe we’re just allowed to have nice things sometimes, experiences that don’t lack lustre and just feel a bit nicer than usual.

As Sasha goes on to explain, it’s not all about buying the nicest things — it’s about doing the nicest things for yourself:

How often do we “have a reason” to get dressed to the nines (or even a seven?). And why can’t we be the reason? Why can’t the reason be just because it’s nice and offers some feel good? I want to make moments of my moments, and to soak up and revel in them. And like most things, it always starts and is generally made up of the little things.

So have tea in the fancy mug. Do yoga by candlelight. Take the walking loop that leads you to the view you love to see, but just don’t do often enough. Wear the nice pyjamas to bed. Read by the glow of a fire from a YouTube video cast to a TV screen.

So here’s your permission, then, to not save til best. Save til right now. You deserve it.

1. and I say that as someone who gets away with doing very little cleaning most of the time anyway, seeing as I’m quite allergic to dust and my partner is very good at keeping on top of things for me